Are you happy in your relationship? Why or why not? How long have you been with your partner? How did you meet? What attracted you to him or her? Why have you chosen to stay in the relationship? Do you have the same or similar belief and value system? What obstacles are you overcoming or have you overcome? Do you believe that you can overcome any obstacles? Do you miss your partner when they are not around? Are you interested in finding out about their day when you see them? What keeps you from "leaning into" your relationship, if you are avoidant in any way? What keeps you preoccupied with the relationship, if you are overly-focused on your partner?
Did you ever think you would end up here? Like this? Right now? Are you wondering what exactly am I talking about? You know.
That place where everything you thought you knew now feels really foreign? Your world and everyone in it seems different? At times you feel so alone you can hardly stand breathing?
I know that I have talked about equanimity before in my weekly meditations; however, it seems to be rather fitting to discuss this week, especially during what seems to be a rather trying time for a lot of folks. Equanimity entails "Calmness of mind, composure, and an ability to maintain neutrality, particularly in challenging situations." I recently pulled out another one of my favorite books called Buddha's Brain by R. Hansen and R. Mendius (2009). I love their chapter on Equanimity as they remind us of our ability (often with practice) to find space inside ourselves where we tap into neutrality, void of too much attachment or too much aversion.
"Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die"~Carrie Fisher Have you ever felt like you were an object of a boundary violation, or wronged by another, or treated as though you were worthless? All of these are examples of valid reasons why you may carry a resentment towards another person. After all, anger calls attention to harm that has been done. However, what if you hold resentment towards another, say your partner or ex partner(s) for things that happened years ago? Does that help you in this present moment? Does it work for you to hang onto something that your partner, past or present, may not even recall or think about? Who is it serving?
We grow up in a world that teaches us at a very young age that our surroundings are unsafe and to be cautious with whom we open up. The consequence of this is that we miss out on fully sharing our hearts; ourselves. Based on our upbringing, the beliefs we form, and the stories we make up about ourselves and others, we then attempt to be in a relationship with another person.
