"Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die"~Carrie Fisher Have you ever felt like you were an object of a boundary violation, or wronged by another, or treated as though you were worthless? All of these are examples of valid reasons why you may carry a resentment towards another person. After all, anger calls attention to harm that has been done. However, what if you hold resentment towards another, say your partner or ex partner(s) for things that happened years ago? Does that help you in this present moment? Does it work for you to hang onto something that your partner, past or present, may not even recall or think about? Who is it serving?
Resentment makes us physically and emotionally sick; it exhausts our inner resources to replenish and rejuvenate. It strips us of our creativity and rips a deep hole in our heart that wastes our precious life-force. It is not worth it. In recovery, we work on releasing resentments. We write them out, marinate in them for awhile, then tell someone or many. Then, every day, we review where we have wronged others and where we feel we have been wronged and relieve ourselves of our pains; our resentments. Ask yourself this: Am I drinking the poison of another's words or actions and waiting for them to be the ones that suffer?
Chances are, you are doing this very thing. You are holding onto resentment and YOU are the one that is suffering, all the while thinking at some point they will "get theirs." That is not going to happen. What is going to happen is that you are going to waste your precious time and energy (emotional, physical, spiritual) and end up making yourself sick.
The best thing you can do is let go of your resentment. This does not mean that you condone another's behavior or avoid acknowledging that you have been "wronged".What it does mean is that you don't hold onto your pain or the pain of another any longer. You free yourself up to be open to love.
You free yourself to SELF LOVE.
Check in with yourself for a moment and ask: How does it serve me to be angry? Who is benefitting from my anger? Is my health? My partner (past or present)? My children? Then ask: Who is suffering?
I will tell you from experience: EVERYONE, especially YOU.
Here is a tried and true tool for relieving resentments:
~WRITE THEM DOWN~
Write your resentments in a journey every single day, morning and night; the middle of the day if need be. Write down all your anger, resentment, pain, shame, hurt, sadness. Get it out! What you will start to notice is that you feel lighter, brighter, freer to love. You will lighten up, laugh more; you will not take things so seriously or personally.
I have started doing The Artists Way by Julia Cameron and am journalling every morning and night. It has freed my heart, mind, spirit, and soul in all areas. Purging on paper is the best way to release resentment and open up to LOVE; love of self and other.
If you choose, you can share your resentments. The caveat is that if you share, please do so with loving-kindness and with a safe person. It may not be appropriate to share it with the person you resent. And, too often, people share their resentments with others in mean-spirited and hateful ways, which will not help you. It will only keep you in a space of feeling small.
So, start today. Write down your resentments. Let loose on paper. This will create new space in your mind and heart to be open to the love you deserve.
NO MATTER WHAT, YOU ARE WORTH IT.