We grow up in a world that teaches us at a very young age that our surroundings are unsafe and to be cautious with whom we open up. The consequence of this is that we miss out on fully sharing our hearts; ourselves. Based on our upbringing, the beliefs we form, and the stories we make up about ourselves and others, we then attempt to be in a relationship with another person.
All-too-often, this is a set up for failure because we see our loved one through the clouded lens of where we came from; often times from Shame ("I am not good enough, not worthy, etc). If we aren't willing to see it for what it is, we will blame it on the other person for "never loving me the way I deserve", all the while pushing them further away.
This shame-based existence allows for addiction to rent space in our lives. After all, the addict says, "I am here to take care of you, to take away your pain, to make you feel better….come, join me in this wonderful escape."
While illusive in nature, the addict feels for a short while like it is truth; a reprieve. So we bask in it; we obsess about it. Whether we are addicted to food, sex, sugar, video games, spending, love. It often can become our relational "currency" with our partner, which sadly, replaces intimacy.
At some point, courage steps in to give us recovery, a large part of which is Openness.
Healing begins when one can set down their addiction sword and wave the white flag that exudes inner peace. Here's the reality of your situation: You have a lot to lose by staying tied up in your old ways of thinking, your out-dated stories from childhood, and your shaming beliefs.
No one can save you but yourself. You have to be the one that takes the necessary steps to heal yourself and your relationship(s). You can continue to hide, but life will find you. It's not too late. There is time. Reach out to those you love and trust (or once trusted), and say what you need to say. Open yourself up to receiving their feedback as well, void of the old stories of shaming yourself for what is said. Remember, you are not your feedback and it is just that: feedback.
Then, take an inventory of what it is that you want and need at this time in your life. Do you want to continue to close yourself off to healing yourself and your relationships, by fighting a war that is destined to have emotional fatalities??
Reclaim openness. Find that quiet space inside you that is all knowing and listen to that voice for guidance. Let yourself go into the unknown of your healing, of recovery. Ask for help, and for feedback from loved ones….then do what your ego has wanted you to avoid~
You are changing continually, and life is "life-ing" non-stop. The best thing you can do is open your arms to it and be ready for your own transformation. It is happening as we speak...
Remember, YOU ARE WORTH IT.