NOTE: Today's Blog is based off of John Gottman's book, The Seven Principles for Making a Marriage Work. Three Rivers Press. NY: NY. 1999.
(You may want to write down the following questions to reflect upon): Are you happy in your relationship? Why or why not? How long have you been with your partner? How did you meet? What attracted you to him or her? Why have you chosen to stay in the relationship? Do you have the same or similar belief and value system? What obstacles are you overcoming or have you overcome? Do you believe that you can overcome any obstacles? Do you miss your partner when they are not around? Are you interested in finding out about their day when you see them? What keeps you from "leaning into" your relationship, if you are avoidant in any way? What keeps you preoccupied with the relationship, if you are overly-focused on your partner?
Dr. John Gottman, the leading relationship expert in the country, has figured out how to predict if a couple will stay happily together in a matter of minutes (5 mins to be exact!). His predictions are based on years and years of studies and data he has accumulated, not just a "gut" feeling, or his intuition.
"The determining factor in whether wives feel satisfied with the sex, romance, and passion in their marriage is, by 70%, the quality of the couple's friendship. For men, the determining factor is, by 70%, the quality of the couple's friendship. So men and women come from the same planet after all."~John Gottman (1999)
What makes a relationship work?
Gottman's research describes the following as key factors for making a relationship work:
1. Happy relationships are based on a deep friendship. Each person demonstrates mutual respect for and enjoyment of each other's company. Do you consider your partner your best friend that you respect and enjoy being around?
2. Happy relationships use "Repair Attempts." This means that they attempt to repair any tension or argument via humor, reframing, or even an apology.
3. Strong relationships entail both partners sharing a deep sense of meaning. They support one another's hopes and dreams. This is a true demonstration of respect for one another and the relationship.
4. Healthy relationships have daily "Stress-Reducing Conversations."
This entails spending 20-30 minutes a day talking about whatever is on your mind outside of your marriage. Research shows that doing this daily helps each person manage their stress in their lives not caused by the relationship. Couples who help one another cope with outside stress have long-term health in their relationship.
5. Healthy fighting. It is ok to fight. It just depends on how you do it. Do you make repair attempts, or do you stonewall, attack, or run?
I believe that void of a violation of one's human rights, ANY relationship can work, IF BOTH PARTIES are willing to make it work....Food for thought on this beautiful Monday Morning.
Remember, YOU ARE ALWAYS SO WORTH IT!
Namasté (The divine in me honors the divine in you),