Many people don't know this but 2018 has been an incredibly hard year for me personally. I am learning that sometimes growth and expansion show up this way-the polarity of opposites perhaps? Maybe you recognize the term, "With pain comes growth"?
In my process of going through some parallel experiences similar to what I witness each and every day in my career, I quietly, slowly, unintentionally though absent-mindedly had moved away from my SELF. Specifically, I had moved away from taking care of me.
It is actually quite fascinating how growth and expansion shows up in our world. Historically, when I have felt out of control in one area of my life I typically would focus on what I could control. This brought me a sense of ease and inner peace. However, this year I learned that I had to let go of external control and go inward. Go deeper. There was no amount of control that would help me heal this wound.
In any relationship, especially when things are challenging, we are often asked to listen to our heart or listen to our head. But what about listening to your gut?
For instance, have you ever had a "gut feeling" about a person or situation that, when it came true, you were glad you had felt it prior? How about waking up with a sensation in your gut (such as anxiety in your stomach via "butterflies") then having something that you felt come true?
These are examples described by researchers in the field of medicine who are now referring to our gut as our "second brain." New research is showing that the "brain in your gut" is revolutionizing the way we think about our moods, digestive system, and overall health. Research is also finding evidence that irritation in the gastrointestinal system may send signals to the central nervous system (CNS) that trigger mood changes such as depression, anxiety, and irritability. Along with this, there is discussion that the second brain is impacting our cognition including memory and thinking (John Hopkins Medicine, hopkinsmedicine.org, 2018)!
Disconnect to Reconnect with Yourself
By Annie Jacobs and Candice Christiansen
All too often we are rushing through life, running down the list of our to-do’s, while feeling completely overwhelmed. We find ourselves at the end of each day wanting nothing but to be able to fall asleep for a week, but knowing that tomorrow’s early morning is only a few hours away. We rush through our meals, hurry from place to place, and rarely find time for ourselves. When we do find downtime, we mindlessly fill it with electronics, whether that be phones, computers, or TVs.
Finding time to put down the phone, step away from social media, and turn off Netflix is crucial for our sanity. New studies are coming out every day of how detrimental too much time on electronics can be, including a re-wiring of the brain. In Jean Twenge, PhD book, "IGen", she discusses this issue and how people born after 1995 are starting to socialize and communicate differently because of the technology we now have. We get stuck (and so do our children) in a false social media world where the amount of likes equals your worth and unrealistic expectations are placed on you. There has been an increase in depression and anxiety becauseof technology!
This post is written by our Trauma-Partner Specialist, Annie Jacobs, ACMHC, EMDR Trained
How often do you find yourself running around frantically, struggling to catch a break from daily life? If I asked you if you were stressed, would your immediate response be “yes"?
Stress can look like anything-from work projects piling up to taking the kids to school to fighting with your significant other over anything. Stress can often feel like a plague consuming your life. Sometimes stress is not always negative (positive stress is called eustress), but it can still have a negative effect on you. For example, you may be working on a fun and fulfilling project at work (positive stress), putting in a lot of time and energy to complete it, and find yourself mentally exhausted at the end of the day (negative effect). Whatever the case may be, it is important to recenter and reconnect with yourself on a daily basis.
**In order to make content clear, I will refer to the person acting out sexually as the Addict, and the partners of the person sexually acting out as the Partner.**
Take a moment to reflect on the following statements often made by the partner of an addict:
“I feel like I’m a crazy person." "I’m acting like a crazy person! “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” “I just want to feel normal again, like how I felt before I knew everything.” “I feel like I’m floating through life, like I’m not even in my body.”
I have heard these statements numerous times by many partners who have experienced intimate partner betrayal. The painful reality of discovering the addict’s sexually acting out, whether that is with porn, sex, compulsive masturbation, visiting massage parlors, or hiring prostitutes, is devastating. It is difficult to describe in words how painful it really is. It may feel like your whole life has been turned upside down and you have been living a lie for years.
