"All anxiety, all dissatisfaction, all the reasons for hoping that our experience could be different are rooted in our fear of death. Fear of death is always in the background."-Pema Chodron, When Things Fall Apart, 1997 Each day, we experience a death of sorts, whether it be in the form of things not working out the way we want, or feeling frustrated or disappointed at someone or something. We also experience it as parts of ourselves or parts of our realities that die.
I have parts. We all do. I have a part that is a scared little girl, about 5 years old, as well as a part that is a controlling nag. I have a part who is typing this blog (she is a perfectionist at times). Please do not assume that because I have parts, I have Dissociative Identify Disorder because I don't. I simply have parts like the rest of humanity. Sound crazy? Maybe at first; however, once you start to understand the parts of you that live inside and have feelings, reactions, responses, and thoughts, your world truly opens up. Things change; we start to heal.
HAPPY NEW YEAR! As recovery from the holidays (and New Year's Eve) begins, it is common for people to make New Year's Resolutions. Often people set goals related to recovery from unhealthy behaviors including substance addiction, porn/sex addiction, food/sugar addiction, workaholism, an addiction to chaos and stress, debting/spending, or all of the above. But, sadly a lot of people don't change. Instead, they stuff their deep-seated (and often maladaptive) thoughts and feelings related to their intimate relationship, work, finances, etc and focus on life outside of their own.
How many times over this past year, in 2015, did you consciously strive to change your health and feel like you failed? How often did you wonder what caused you to feel like a "failure"? How much time did you take to explore the reasons for what may have felt like "false starts"?
Many people set numerous new year intentions for changing their health patterns, then begin, only to realize they get stuck, then suddenly stop.
Intimate betrayal can take on many forms, the most common one being "cheating." As an esteemed colleague once said to me so poignantly, it is not so much about the "cheating on" that is painful, as it is the "cheating out of" that hurts. Partners of a spouse who cheats via an affair with another person, substance abuse, financial betrayal, workaholism, are cheated out of what and whom they thought they were committing to: an honest, loving, faithful person who they could trust. They are cheated out of a life they had hoped and dreamed of, cheated out of future plans, especially if their loved one refuses to get help or get better.
