HAPPY NEW YEAR! As recovery from the holidays (and New Year's Eve) begins, it is common for people to make New Year's Resolutions. Often people set goals related to recovery from unhealthy behaviors including substance addiction, porn/sex addiction, food/sugar addiction, workaholism, an addiction to chaos and stress, debting/spending, or all of the above. But, sadly a lot of people don't change. Instead, they stuff their deep-seated (and often maladaptive) thoughts and feelings related to their intimate relationship, work, finances, etc and focus on life outside of their own.
Many have a belief that the grass is greener on the other side.
They believe, "If I have this (money, drugs, sex, food), or am with her/him.... my life will be easier, happier, better."
I assure you that this is not true; the grass is NOT greener. Where you go, there you are.
People sometimes get a "scent" under their nose of another woman or man that they think will make them happier than their significant partner, husband and/or wife. They won't.
This may seem like a blunt and brash assumption on my part;however, as an expert in treating all kinds of intimacy issues and relational conflict, I have seen it. Unless you are in an abusive, or trauma-filled relationship where betrayal is on-going on one or more level (this is truly relative to the person experiencing it), I believe that with the proper guidance and support by a trained expert, most relationships can recover.
- Why do people think the grass is greener on the other side?
- They don't want to look at their own unresolved issues
- They have already started an emotional, mental, or physical affair with a person, porn, substance(s), finances, and/or their work
- They are absorbed in their addiction(s)
- All of the above
Unresolved Issues: People that think the grass is greener on the other side often are terrified of taking a look at the deeper issues, thoughts and feelings in their past and present. They may have depression, anxiety, unresolved trauma, and attachment issues (or all of the above) that they have never healed. Without doing the work, they will continue to look at someone else's yard comparing their "lack of" with what the neighbor has.
An Affair: With social media nowadays, is actually pretty easy to spot an affair unfolding. People will either post too much about an affair that is unfolding, or keep it secret and focus on their partner, family, forming a double life. For folks that are having an affair, they will always think the grass is greener and most often will blame their partner and "life" on their choice to have an affair. Cheating is always a symptom of a deeper issue, and it has nothing to do with being unhappy with one's spouse. Guaranteed.
Addiction: Whether it is an addiction to substances, alcohol, porn, sex, relationships, food, individuals with an addiction (or multiple addictions), people often think the grass is greener IN their addiction, therefore, their focus remains deluded.
Realizing that the Grass is Greener Where You Are takes daily practice, consistent structure, and support. But it is possible!
Here are some simple ways to enjoying the grass in your own backyard:
Be Accountable: Stop blaming others. Get honest with yourself about your choices, actions, thoughts, feelings, beliefs, values, and the impact they have on your loved ones, finances, work, and life in general
Get help! Therapy, especially if you have an addiction, are experiencing a depression/anxiety/trauma symptoms, are having marital conflict, work stress, etc, will help you! Your life can and will improve if you are open and willing to do the work.
Have Gratitude: If you want more of a good thing, focus on having gratitude for the good things that you already have. This is such a simple yet effective tool. Start today and write in a gratitude journal, taking note of all that you appreciate in your life. Watch it grow!
Set a Daily Intention to focus on the grass being greener where you are: This takes practice, especially for people who have gotten in an emotional rut, are depressed, or have gotten used to blaming others for their issues. Examples include: "Today, I intend to show appreciation to my loved ones and use kinder words" or "Today, I intend to be present to what life has to offer me." For individuals in their addiction, the intention may be: "Today, I will get myself into recovery/start recovery/schedule my intake/check into detox"
Do it! The only way to have the life you want is to actually practice daily change, meaning you have to actively do things differently on an on-going basis. Yes, you will likely make mistakes along the way, but that is how you grow!
Life will get easier and better in time, especially if you let yourself embrace the fact that you have this amazing life in front of you. Even with all the trials and tribulations you may face, the grass is truly greener where you are, I promise.
As always, remember, you are SO worth it!
Lots of new groups coming to Namasté in January! Courage to Heal Men's Substance Abuse Recovery Group Monday, Jan 4th, 7-8:30p.m. $35 per group
I am Enough Women's Trauma Recovery Group, Wednesdays, Jan 6th, 6-8 p.m. $30 per group
Mending a Shattered Heart Female Partner of Intimate Betrayal Group 2nd and 4th Thursday 6-8 p.m. $45 per group
New Year, New You Saturday Workshop Saturday, Jan 16th, 10-2 p.m.; $60 total
Healing Adrenal Fatigue On-Going Group for individuals who have experienced chronic stress and exhaustion from life's many stressors; Mondays starting in February, 4:30-6p.m. $25 per group
Couples Yoga Intensive Weekend for Couples wanting to improve trust, learn forgiveness, and connect on a more intimate level; Jan 12-13th; $600 total; rsvp: firstname.lastname@example.org
Email Cari at admin@namasteadvice or call 801-272-3500 for a copy of our Group and Workshop Schedule and Fees, or to RSVP