"There is a fire burning. It isn't outside, it is not in a fireplace, there is nowhere to hide. There is a fire burning, it runs deeper than a wound, it bleeds fumes of hatred, and seethes hurt, doom. There is fire inside, it's burdens run deep, it holds onto shame, and claims defeat. There is a fire inside. It is a candle that burns, but it can be cooled, with many lessons learned. There is a fire inside...." (Poem by Candice Christiansen, 2014) Can you relate to this internal fire? Can you feel it? Do you know the kind of pain, anger, sadness, shame that I speak of? Most people do. We all have experienced some thing or another that causes us to bleed with this type of emotion.
There is something in the universe lately that is causing a lot of inner and outer chaos. Some might say it is the seasons changing while others are convinced that it is something in the universe (ever hear of Mercury in Retrograde?). While others may say it is a mere coincidence that we are all struggling right now.
Scared people hide; they avoid, run, and leave when the going gets tough. Angry people argue, mostly with themselves secretly when the rest of the world is sleeping. But their venom seeps out into the world via words, in writing, and with body language. Shameful people hide behind fear and anger, outwardly blaming everyone else for their problems, while inwardly believing that they are worthless and unloveable. The reality is that we are all transparent.
Have you ever been lost? Lost in thought, lost while driving, lost in terms of goals and direction in life? Or just plain lost in general? Do you recall what that felt like?
Was it a good feeling or was it uncomfortable? Did it cause you to want to control your outcome, or surrender to the unknown?
Addicts lie. They cheat. They steal...time, money, energy, love, and trust. They deceive and betray. They hurt to the point where you can't fathom why you love them. But you do. You keep going back. Or you stay and put up with their crazy games. "Why do you put up with it?" People ask you. You try to explain your answers, justify your reasoning, rationalize half-truths. All for the sake of keeping what you thought was real alive.