(Information on attachment is from the book: Attached.: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How it Can Help you Find -and Keep- Love. Levine, A. , Heller, R. (2010). Penguin Group. NY: NY.). There is something in the universe lately that is causing a lot of inner and outer chaos. Some might say it is the seasons changing while others are convinced that it is something in the universe (ever hear of Mercury in Retrograde?). While others may say it is a mere coincidence that we are all struggling right now.
Whatever it is, it is causing a lot of people to want to run away from their lives. I can relate to this feeling and have heard numerous clients both this week and last say they feel overwhelmed with what is in front of them.
Life just feels like too much.
So how do we stay in this game we call "Life" without losing our minds? How do we avoid our tendency to run from it, to hide under the nearest rock and wait for life to pass?
We must be bold, brave, and have courage now more than ever. We are stronger than we think to overcome this universal challenge that is causing all of us to want to scream as we go to the nearest exit.
This may sound counter-intuitive to what you want to do right now (scream and run), but the best thing you can do is lean in to the ones you love be it your spouse, children, closest friends, sponsor, group, andtreatment network. By "lean in" I mean attach, connect, bond.
Research consistently shows that once we become attached to someone, we form one physiological unit. Our partner "regulates our blood pressure, our heart rate, our breathing, and the levels of hormones in our blood. We are no longer separate entities"(p.26).
When two people form an intimate relationship, they actually will regulate each other's emotional and psychological well-being (p. 27).
I realize that just knowing this may not be enough for you especially if you are used to running and hiding (folks with sexual-and other-addictions often have a very hard time leaning in and being vulnerable to loved ones). But what if you absolutely need to do this right now as part of your own recovery, survival, existence? What if you can't go this one alone? Can you let yourself attach, connect, bond to those closest to you? Can you let yourself be held, guided, loved, and honored?
Whether or not you want to take the risk and attach, now more than ever is the time to lean in. We can't go this one alone. We never could. We need others to heal.
So as you go into the weekend, see how you can connect with those you love and care about from an honest, vulnerable space.
Let love in. You deserve it, and so do the ones you love.
In case you forgot, YOU ARE WORTH IT!
ONLY TWO SEATS LEFT! Learn how to have a Positive Sexual Focus, How to stay in a Recovery Cycle, How to fine tune your boundaries and set lasting recovery goals? Join Candice Oct 25th for the Men's Recovery Start Kit-90 Day Prep Workshop and take your recovery to the next level! Email Candice: firstname.lastname@example.org for details!