Have you ever been lost? Lost in thought, lost while driving, lost in terms of goals and direction in life? Or just plain lost in general? Do you recall what that felt like?
Was it a good feeling or was it uncomfortable? Did it cause you to want to control your outcome, or surrender to the unknown?
Sometimes getting lost can be a good thing even if at first it feels scary. For those with an addiction, they often get lost in their addictive behavior, whether it be an addiction to substances, sex, relationships, love, money, gambling, food, work, or all of the above. Most people with an addiction literally lose themselves in a false identity where they live two separate lives, repeatedly using their unhealthy coping skill to the point that they create a fantasy world. This often results in broken relationships, losing one's job, having financial consequences, and hurting those closest to them (children, partners, other family members), among other things.
When someone comes to Namaste Center for Healing for recovery from an intimacy disorder or other addiction, I often ask them, "Who are you?" The response I usually get is "Who are you?" which makes me chuckle because that is the typical addict; challenging and defensive, right? When they get serious, however, their answer is, "I don't know."
Sex addicts (and all addicts really) get lost early on in life, usually in early childhood where they have learned to cope by creating a double life. Many were day dreamers as kids because life was too painful. Getting "lost" in porn, substances, fantasy, etc was a survival skill when they were young; however, as they have gotten older, these survival skills have ended up being costly on multiple levels and dangerous (even deadly).
Once an individual enters treatment and starts to experience sobriety, they begin to see a path that gives them a glimpse, sometimes a bright flashing sign, of who they truly. They see that they are
Intuitive, sensitive, insightful, pure, loving, kind, bright and innocent
They realize that they merely lost their way early on and have needed someone to guide them out of the darkness. They have wandered along a dark path for too long feeling scared of being hurt, fearing rejection, and avoiding vulnerability. They've been scared to ask for what they need for fear of it not being met; some don't have any idea what they need because they learned early on to not have needs.
So in recovery, we remind folks of who they truly are, which is NOT their addiction. If we are treating the partner of a sex addict who has also gotten lost by the ravages of their loved one's addiction, we help them light their path too so that they can also find their way and who they truly are.
Today, notice all the ways you are finding your way in your recovery. Instead of focusing on the ways you may have gotten lost this week, really look at the ways you are finding yourself. See if you can SEE yourself for who you truly are.
Know that I see you and you are WORTH it.
Candice NOTE: SIGN UP TODAY ! Recovery Start Kit Day long intensive, Saturday Oct 25th for men. 2 SEATS left. If you are struggling in your recovery this is a great intensive for you to get back on track!! Email me for details on cost, time,the Recovery Start Kit, etc.