I have always loved kaleidoscopes, especially since each time you turn them, the shapes change to form new images-new perspectives.

The changing shapes and design of a kaleidoscope remind me of the importance of being open to another's perspective in sexual or other type of recovery. 

Let me start by acknowledging that therapy is hard. It takes a lot of courage and bravery to commit to one's own recovery. With that said, I liken our therapy for sexual recovery to going to a cardiologist; you think you are having chest pains only to find out that you have actually had a heart attack. Meaning, clients often come in thinking their problematic sexual behavior or addictive behavior isn't "that bad" only to learn a different perspective from us, especially once we understand all of their symptoms including the impact, duration, frequency and intensity of their acting out.

Why is it that when we smell certain scents we suddenly feel the emotions associated with a past event? You smell chocolate cookies baking in the oven and are instantly flooded with memories of Grandma’s house when you were young. You smell the delicious aroma of turkey cooking for Thanksgiving and start laughing because you remember the funny joke your uncle shared that made your dad spray his beverage all over the table because he was laughing so hard. Or, at other times,  you may find that a smell reminds you of something traumatic or scary in your life. Whatever the situation may be, scents and aromas play an important role in remembering past events in our lives as well as how we heal and recover.

Scents and The Brain: When we breathe in a scent, the scent travels through our nose straight to the Olfactory Bulb in our brain. The Olfactory Bulb then sends the information to different structures that play an important role in processing the information, including the amygdala (responsible for controlling our emotions, emotional behavior, and motivation). The amygdala is part of the limbic system. The limbic system houses different structures, including the hippocampus (responsible for long-term memory), the hypothalamus (responsible for the autonomic nervous system and releasing hormones), and the cingulate gyrus (responsible for blood pressure, heart rate, and attention). So when we smell chocolate chip cooking baking in the oven, we are instantly reminded of Grandmother’s house as a child and start to feel happy, excited, your heart rate increases, and you may even start to salivate in anticipating of eating a chocolate chip cookie. The smell of baking chocolate chip cookies activates the memory of being a small child at Grandma’s house and brings up the emotions associated with that event.

I have worked in the field of recovery with all ages and populations for close to twenty years. Throughout the years, my amazing clinical team and I have had the honor of healing generations from sexual and other addictions and aversions; women, men, couples, their parents (grandparents), along with their children. 

As our mission states: "At Namasté Center for Healing, we assist individuals in learning how to recover their true selves, their relationships, and their lives." Similarly, "Our vision is to help individuals, couples and families in achieving lasting recovery from addictions, aversions, and trauma so much so that the course of their lives are changed for generations to come."

One of the realizations I have had throughout the years is that if we only help people stop individuals addictive sexual behavior but don't have a phase in our program where we teach couples about healthy intimacy, sensuality and sexuality, we are only treating part of the whole person and coupleship. 

I tend to dislike food detoxes/cleanses because of my love of food as well as my tendency to get really cranky when I am hungry.  I also often feel tired and sick for the first 5 days of the process.  Yet, I admit, when I surrender to it, what I love about doing a food cleanse or detox is that after the yucky (body/emotional withdrawal) symptoms pass, my skin begins to glow, my mood improves, I feel mentally clearer, and I have a lot more energy. It resets my entire body, mind, spirit, and energy system. 

What if a food cleanse/detox had similar benefits as a relationship detox? First, when we hear the term "relationship detox" we tend to think it's related to a past relationship. Examples of comments people have made to describe their experience of a "post" relationship detox include,  "I am going to take a break from dating [my marriage, relationships]" or "I am only going to date myself for awhile" or "I need to focus on self care and figure out who I am before I am with anyone else." Interestingly with those individuals I have worked with  I think two out of hundreds were able to actually do this for a year (both were women and watching them transform was REALLY beautiful!). 

 

This Blog is written by our full time therapist Annie Jacobs (edited by Candice Christiansen):
The question, “Am I polyamorous?” is one that at times we hear at Namasté Center for Healing when we are assessing people to determine if they have problematic sexual behavior including sexual addiction. I am here to offer you some clarity around this subject.

If you’re struggling with compulsive porn abuse,  having multiple affairs, or sexual acting out in other ways that are a secret outside of your relationship, the answer to the question, “Am I polyamorous?” is “no”. If you find yourself compulsively wanting to have sex at times when you are expected to be fulfilling other obligations (working, spending time with your spouse or children, etc.), the answer is “no”. If you find yourself wanting to have sex with multiple people, are indeed having sex with multiple people, and it is causing you and your primary relationship harm, the answer is still “no”.