Your Ah-Ha Moment!

Recovery from ANYTHING, whether it is an addiction, and/or any other physical, spiritual, emotional or psychological ailment, loss, or injury can at times be discouraging, challenging, frustrating, even pain-staking.

Change indeed can be hard, even when we know we have to do it or we may figuratively and/or literally die. Yet, how often do you avoid or fight change even when you know it is the best thing for you, all the while continuing to do the same things over and over expecting different results? Why do we do it? What is the danger in letting go, in surrendering, or in being blatantly honest with ourselves?

It takes an Ah-Ha Moment.

Have you had one? An Ah-Ha moment when the light went on and you knew that it was time to make that life changing decision for your recovery/healing? Or are you still waiting for that key event that will change the course of your life forever? Is waiting helping you or is it time to look for the lightbulbs?

There is indeed an Ah-Ha moment in recovery where the lightbulb shines brightly in our minds and we realize:

THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I NEED TO DO FOR MY OWN RECOVERY!

Whether it is to end a relationship,  change your phone or phone number, close a chapter in your life, quit your job and start a new one, get new friends, change your diet, go to more meetings or support groups, forgive your loved ones, or change your perspective. Your Ah-Ha moment will stand out in your mind forever. It will create a jolt of energy where you will start to feel a clarity like never before!

It will give you the starting point for which to navigate change. But you have to stay open and listen and look for it. It can be a subtle voice inside that says, "It is time." Or a loud, earth changing wake up call that shouts out why you are doing all of this hard work to heal.

Whatever it is, BE OPEN to it. After all, once you have one  Ah-Ha moment, more start to come, especially if you pay close attention. Then the one lightbulb becomes a city of lights with a village of people supporting one another in their recovery.  Be the change, be your Ah-Ha moment!

Remember, you are worth it. Namaste,

Candice

What We See In Others Is Just A Reflection....

I always tell people the quickest way to work on your stuff is to get in a relationship. Why?

You are able to work through so much of YOUR own baggage....if, that is, you are willing to see the other person as a reflection of you: the good, bad, ugly, and beautiful.

The challenge is that most of us have a hard time looking at our pasts. So we blame our partner for our own actions, choices, responses, mistakes. We claim that if only they did this for us or that for us then we'd be happy, different, feel better, feel good about ourselves.

But, this is all a lie. We are  just lying to ourselves if we really think someone else can actually MAKE us happy.

The reality is that if we have unresolved issues, particularly in our family of origin (parents, siblings), we will often play that out as adults in our relationships. Once we figure out how to self-parent, self-soothe, and self-care, then we can self-love which is the key to happiness.

I have a couple of clients in recovery who shared that for 1 year they were committed to date themselves and they did! After a year, they had some incredible wisdom.

A big piece of insight that one female shared was that she finally realized the shame she had carried her whole life(even into her addiction) was not hers; it was her mothers, her mother's mother, and generations before her.

She said she finally realized that she didn't have to wear someone else's shame anymore and could let herself open up to the love she deserved.

So, what might it be like if you were to focus solely on you? Focus on yourself, what you want and need? How to take care of you for YOU sake? Might this actually enrich all of your relationships? What a wonderful opportunity this would be: to date yourself!

So, here is your challenge~ can you do it? Can you ask yourself on a date every night for the next week and start to get to know you at a deeper level? Are you willing to sit in your discomfort and find your edge? What bugs you, what do you like, who do you admire, and what do you hate? See if you can let yourself have your very own YOU experience.

This is perfect especially right before Valentine's Day. Be your own valentine....

Remember, you are worth it.

Namaste,

Candice

What if you are Perfectly Imperfect?

Take a minute and reflect on the past week. Did you put a lot of pressure on yourself?  Did you feel a lot of stress if your checklists and deadlines were not completed or met? Did you try to be perfect?

Notice where in your body you feel this pressure to perform and be perfect. Do you clench your jaw, tighten your stomach, hold your breath? Do you eat less or more, feel irritable or sad, get quiet and withdrawn, or act more rigid and reactive towards others?

The goal in recovery from anything is to identify the origin of our negative thoughts and feelings so that we can resolve them and live a lighter, happier existence. So, take a moment and ask yourself these questions: When did you start to believe that you had to be perfect, flawless? When did you start to put so much pressure on yourself to perform? In what ways are you "performing" in your life? Are you doing so in your relationships? Why? Who does it really benefit?

What if you are absolutely perfect just the way you are?  What if just by you being born you are perfect and there is nothing you have to do or say to reach the illusion of perfection, because you have already arrived? Easy to swallow this concept?

Alot of folks have a hard time accepting that they are perfect as they are.  After all, we each have this illusive ideal of what perfection entails, right?

American culture sets us up to believe that we each can live the "American Dream" and  social media often floods our minds with images of what this "dream" entails including how we are supposed to act, look, feel, etc.There are no accidents why this is called a "dream" because it is not real. However, it sets people up to feel shame and guilt if they are not striving towards an illusion of perfection.

So, take a moment and ask yourself these questions: "What if I am perfectly imperfect? What does that mean to me? Can I accept that my imperfections are mine and they are what makes me perfect?  Or do I want to continue to beat myself up for not being someone else's ideal?

Let yourself off the hook starting today by allowing yourself to make mistakes, laugh at yourself, embrace your flaws as uniquely yours, and let go of the rest. Life is to short.....

Remember, you are worth it.

Namaste,

Candice

Let Go of the Outcome.

Why are you holding on so tightly? Are you afraid? What is your fear about?...Being alone, unloveable, or found out that you are not good enough? Can you tap into the origin of that primal feeling of terror in the pit of your stomach? That angst that keeps you gripping so intensely that you may be grinding your teeth as you read this?

See if you can figure out where this fear is coming from. This may be hard if you are in a space in your life where your fear is ruling most of your thoughts and actions. When we are gripping with constant fear, we can actually become depressed and start to feel hopeless.

Take a deep breath right now. For most of you, breathing deeply is a foreign concept due to living in so much fear all the time. Do it again. Breathe, right now, so that your belly and chest rise to the count of atleast 5. Do it again. Such a simple concept and yet when we are in such fear, we hold our breath, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

What if the other shoe inevitably drops? Or what if both shoes are on the ground already, and nothing is going to drop?

The point is that fear doesn't help you with anything. Sure, we may have an underlying level of fear in our DNA based on how our brains are wired. However, this doesn't have to drive you!

What if for just a moment you:

LET GO.

Take a deep breath right now. Breathe. Say to yourself, "Let Go." Repeat this.  Do this 3-5 times and notice any shifts in your body. What are you noticing?

If you can detach yourself in this moment from any unforeseen outcome, you are giving yourself an amazing gift. The gift of letting go allows us to be free of any expectations that a situation has to look a certain way. Set yourself free in this moment to just be in today. Forget about what may happen tomorrow or the next day. Forget about what your loved one may say or choose to do. Focus on you and let go of the rest. The rest doesn't matter. All that matters is that you are here, happy, in this moment. So breathe. Detach. Let go. Trust that all is well and no matter how uncertain life feels right now, all will continue to be well. You are always provided for, always loved, and everything always happens for your highest good.

Remember, you are WORTH it.

Candice

Art work: 16x20 Limited Edition Signed Matted Print, Off To Fairyland (By Way of Fairyloons), fairy, flying away, fantasy art, fairy art, surreal art.

Honor the Divine In You.

The Authentic You Knows How To Heal. A lot of people ask me what the word Namaste means. When I tell them in the most simplest terms that it means, "The Divine in Me Honors the Divine in You" some wonder, why I would name an outpatient program that heals trauma and intimacy disorders such a name. After all, it is hard to spell, difficult to pronounce, and can be confusing, right? Why not call my program something like "Center for Healthy Relationships"?

On my own journey towards healing and self-discovery, I have realized that who we truly are is not our illnesses, struggles, or addictions. Who we truly are is divine grace, light, love, peace, unity, healing, kindness, forgiveness, compassion, and honor.

We each embody an innocent child that lives within us needing comfort and love as well as a reminder that we are safe, ok and that what we often feel (any discomfort) is just sensation, usually from our past.The sad reality is that many people often forget their inner child, as the ravages of past trauma, on-going shame, any addiction, and unresolved pain leave them feeling empty and confused.

Because they have forgotten their innocence, many wander the world aimlessly with a deep-seated hunger pang  that keeps them craving relief, often at their own expense. In such confusion they often blame those closest to them, specifically their loved ones and partners, often because they are too afraid to look in the mirror.

It seems easier to avoid and escape via food, alcohol, prescription meds, illegal drugs, relationships, over-spending, over-working, hoarding, depriving, over-exercising, under or overeating, etc.,  than do the hard but rewarding work to re-connect with one's true self.

Naming my program Namaste Center for Healing made perfect sense to me, particularly because healing from trauma and addictions is about tapping into that divine part of each of us, that innocent child that desperately needs to be heard, loved, and embraced. Once we re-connect with our inner child, we learn how to be authentic,  how to tune into our vulnerability, and how to honor our struggles while forgiving our past. The key is figuring out HOW to tap into this part of ourselves and embrace him/her.Through the use of EMDR, Mindful CBT, and a structured Task and Research based approach, we help people find this part of themselves.

If each person were able to honor their own divinity (which entails forgiving their past and embracing each moment with healthier tools for communicating, self-nurturing, and staying emotionally and physically safe), they would heal and relationships would prosper. With a lot of consistent practice, structure and support, this is absolutely possible!

This week, see if you can find that quiet space between your inhale and exhale where your inner child lives. Take a slow deep breath, hold it, then release it, and say to yourself, "Namaste."

I honor the divine in you.

You are worth it.

Candice