I always tell people the quickest way to work on your stuff is to get in a relationship. Why?
You are able to work through so much of YOUR own baggage....if, that is, you are willing to see the other person as a reflection of you: the good, bad, ugly, and beautiful.
The challenge is that most of us have a hard time looking at our pasts. So we blame our partner for our own actions, choices, responses, mistakes. We claim that if only they did this for us or that for us then we'd be happy, different, feel better, feel good about ourselves.
But, this is all a lie. We are just lying to ourselves if we really think someone else can actually MAKE us happy.
The reality is that if we have unresolved issues, particularly in our family of origin (parents, siblings), we will often play that out as adults in our relationships. Once we figure out how to self-parent, self-soothe, and self-care, then we can self-love which is the key to happiness.
I have a couple of clients in recovery who shared that for 1 year they were committed to date themselves and they did! After a year, they had some incredible wisdom.
A big piece of insight that one female shared was that she finally realized the shame she had carried her whole life(even into her addiction) was not hers; it was her mothers, her mother's mother, and generations before her.
She said she finally realized that she didn't have to wear someone else's shame anymore and could let herself open up to the love she deserved.
So, what might it be like if you were to focus solely on you? Focus on yourself, what you want and need? How to take care of you for YOU sake? Might this actually enrich all of your relationships? What a wonderful opportunity this would be: to date yourself!
So, here is your challenge~ can you do it? Can you ask yourself on a date every night for the next week and start to get to know you at a deeper level? Are you willing to sit in your discomfort and find your edge? What bugs you, what do you like, who do you admire, and what do you hate? See if you can let yourself have your very own YOU experience.
This is perfect especially right before Valentine's Day. Be your own valentine....
Remember, you are worth it.