People have expectations every single day. They have the expectation that they will get up in the morning, follow their daily routine without thinking much about it, go to work in some fashion (even if work is staying home with the kids; which is a 24/7 job). People also have a lot of expectations of their loved ones. Most people don't realize that by having certain expectations, especially of their intimate partner, they create their own heartache.

I love the picture of Kristen Wiig, former cast member of Saturday Night Live, displaying a face of disgust in her typical, humorous fashion. Yet, while Kristen often makes a subject that would otherwise seem embarrassing or "yucky" sound and look hilarious, in reality, we tend to experience otherwise.

In fact, when most people think of disgust, they typically recall a person, place, thing, or experience in their lives where they felt ashamed, disturbed, and/or grossed out.

My colleague and expert in partner and trauma therapy, Jill Seely, emailed me a quote this morning from Mary Anne Layden. Mary says: "... We are hardwired to love and be loved. That's what feeds our hungry heart..." She adds, "We have a generation who are starved and have hungry hearts...They are eating the sexual junk food... because they are so starved they would eat junk food if that's all that's available to them."

Crystal was fairly new to recovery from sex and love addiction when she experienced a death of a loved one. Shocked, hurt, and feeling rejected, Crystal immediately went into cycle. She became pre-occupied (this is first part of the relapse cycle) with destructive thoughts that included blaming those close to her (her boyfriend, and family), feeling like she was not good enough as well as undeserving of having any further recovery. She projected her hurt onto others and found herself longing for the attention from men (not her boyfriend) in an attempt to escape her pain and soothe her discomfort.

Everyone experiences triggers, or what my mentor and expert in EMDR (trauma therapy), Katie O'Shea calls "emotional activators".

For individuals in our Sexual Recovery Oupatient Program, one of the primary things that we teach and review often is how to identify one's triggers.