I have spent several years doing couples therapy with men and women and I have begun to notice a theme. The men in relationships are actually quite sensitive, naturally emotionally connected (some are quite insecure), and dance to the rhythm of their partner (they play off of their partner's emotions). I am also seeing more men who struggle with characteristics that resemble the over-used term: codependent. But are they too dependent, too needy? Or is this actually a natural state of interdependence that society has shunned in an effort to make men into unemotional, detached robots? Men, after all, have feelings too. Men deserve to experience love, to connect on a deeply intimate level and share affection beyond the sexual intimacy in the bedroom. Some women may struggle with a man that is connected to his emotions, open with his feelings and willing to share intimately. To these women, I would invite them to explore whatever stories they learned from childhood regarding men showing emotions (specifically stories related to their fathers).

I have always been told that relationships are "so much work." In the past, as a therapist I found myself repeating this statement, telling couples "This relationship will be the hardest job you will ever have" followed by "it will take daily nurturing to keep it alive." Sounds like a regimen from a doctor dealing with a survivor of a chronic illness; depressing to say the least. After years of self reflection and spiritual study, I am convinced that what makes relationships with anyone so challenging, and yet so incredibly beautiful, is that they are reflections of ourselves, both in our lightness (those positive qualities we want to exude) and in our darkness (those qualities about ourselves which we want to avoid/hide).