"We are surrounded by images pretending to be love" ~ Deepak Chopra (The Path to Love, 1997, p.24). Every day, in large part due to social media, we are bombarded by advertisements and images of sex, romance, and what we have learned to believe is "love." We are told what to buy, how to change our appearances, and ways to improve our social status in order to attract the "perfect" mate. However, what we have learned is not real love or even intimacy, nor is it romance or sex. It is an illusion that breeds both fear and scarcity and a constant search for the next "fix".
This ultimately creates duality: the idea that there is a right/wrong way to be, look, do, and have, as well as good vs. bad. Such dualities leave us believing that parts of ourselves are unloveable and therefore separate from others. This belief that we are separate from others, particularly our spouse, does not serve us. It creates this false belief that "If only I could find someone to love me, my feeling of separateness would be healed. Yet, Love doesn't EVER depend on externals. Love Is Internal.
"Love is Spirit.Spirit is the Self"~Deepak Chopra
What happens is that we detach from ourselves~from spirit~early on, thus creating a life-long search for someone to fill the void of lost innocence. We get addicted to people and things in hopes of filling that void or removing the pain associated with this duality. In our quest for external love and fulfillment, we create separateness which fuels our feelings of unworthiness and being alone. The act of going inward to re-connect with our true essence of love~of spirit~ is the first step towards recovery from anything. Though at times it may seem daunting, recovering spirit, thus pure love, is the ONLY way we will ever heal.
To Diminish Duality, We Must Go Inward.
As Deepak Chopra says,
"Asking 'What is spirit?' is just a way of asking 'Who am I?'
There isn't spirit outside of you. You are It…..You feel love towards another because in spirit you are infinite love" (The Path To Love, 1997, p. 33).
Read that statement again….and again, and again. Breathe it in fully and deeply. That is big, isn't it? This idea that YOU ARE SPIRIT; that there is nothing outside of you that can connect you to your pure essence: that which is LOVE.
I realize at this point that some of you might be feeling internally rattled after reading the above paragraph. All of this talk of love and spirit coming from the inside might feel like a bit much and even like fluff.
But what if it is ALL true? What if what you have been seeking via your addiction is actually inside of you waiting to be heard and seen, opened and discovered?
Take a minute and ask yourself "Who Am I?" and see what happens. What words come to mind? Do you start to define yourself based on your job or role in your family? Do you belittle yourself with labels and judgment? Or do you pause and think, "I don't know?"
Many people that come to therapy for addictions (both addict and spouse) respond with the latter statement, followed by a look of bewilderment. I assure them that this is normal, as they have forgotten who they truly are as the ravages of their addiction took over all aspects of their lives. Our primary role at Namaste Center for Healing is to re-connect our clients with who they truly are (hence "Namaste"~honoring the divine in you).
What if you were to let go of this idea that you are separate, starting with noticing when you feel separate from your partner or loved one (including your children)? What if you allowed yourself to notice the one-ness that exists within all of you? What if you were to stop seeking love on the outside and used kinder, more loving words with yourself from the inside? How might your relationships and life look differently? Practice going inward today, this week. See what happens when you seek from the inside.
Always Remember, You are Worth It.
**Reminder: Sign up for my Financial Workshop that is on June 6th, 2014 and learn tools for healing your relationship with money as well as understand the interwoven relationship between money and sex/intimacy. Space is limited so email me today!