Sometimes you may find yourself feeling crazy, perverse, confused and literally besides yourself with the illusions you are surrounded with, including the life you are living.
This craziness is either your addiction, the consequences of your addiction, or you reeling from your spouse's addiction.
It may feel easier and even comfortable to claim that you are crazy....
BUT ARE YOU REALLY??
Whether you are the one with an addiction or the loved one who has endured years of it's wrath, neither of you are crazy, or perverse, deviant, etc. The addiction is, and that part of you that struggles with it has gotten really comfortable with the drama, trauma, and recurring pain.
Why do we get so comfortable with the discomfort? Why do we tolerate the intolerable? Why do we trick ourselves into thinking the illusion is real?
Because we think the pain in some way serves us. What we don't realize is that the pain, like everything else, is just a symptom of a deeper issue. Anger, pain, sadness, hurt call attention to harm that has been done.
Thus, truth sometimes hides in dark shadows.
Addicts spend most of their lives hiding from discomfort and pain. Reality, after all, is terrifying to them. They would rather live in an illusory world of photo-shopped images and fantasy-land relationships than deal with their traumatic pasts and failed attachments. Fear of rejection, vulnerability, and judgment is too overwhelming.
Recovery begins when the addict and their partner can shine light into the dark shadows and begin to look at the truth of their situation. Taking ownership for the results of the addict's choices is a big first step towards healing, along with a commitment to change (at all costs).
Learning how to be honest, vulnerable, ask for what one needs, and have intimacy in a non-sexual way are healthy values that develop between the addict and partner over time, with practice and perseverance.
Dark shadows are only cast when we turn our backs on the truth, thus CLARITY in our recovery causes craziness to fade.
This week, practice finding the truth in your situation, void of your past story-lines. Seek clarity over crazy-making thoughts. Search for solace inside the depths of your heart and soul, and quiet your mind.
Know that it takes a true survivor to recover from the madness we call addiction. You are one and so is your partner....and you both are worth it.
NOTE: If you are a sex addict wanting to get a jumpstart on your recovery, or a tune up on core concepts in recovery, I am offering a gender specific Recovery Start Kit Workshop on Saturday Oct 18 (women) and Saturday Oct 25th (men). Email me for details on cost, time,the Recovery Start Kit, etc.