Do you play small in your life; in your relationships and at work? If you are unsure, read the following and see if playing small applies to you:
1. You wait to be asked or to share your truth(this is often a result of fear- read #2). Examples of this include waiting to share your opinion, waiting to talk at a meeting, or waiting to share how you really feel with loved ones until and unless they bring issues up. You also wait to highlight just how talented you are unless asked by others to showcase your services. You hide.
2. Fear overwhelms and ultimately defeats you. You fear rejection, judgment, disappointing others or losing love. So you comply with those around you both personally and professionally even if your soul is screaming that it wants something else. Even if your spirit calls you to be bold, brave and to spread your glorious wings; you clip them to make others comfortable.
3.You cannot hear criticism. It literally crushes you. Your harsh inner critic is constantly beating you up so there is no way you could possibly hear others criticize you. Again, you hide.
4. You don't own your voice. After all, if you speak up you will be faced with #2 and likely #3 and we can't have that, right? So you don't say anything. Or, you act like you have control in either your relationship, professionally or in both settings by claiming you can set and hold a boundary, that you don't or won't allow your partner to control you, when in reality they control your every move. Sadly, you likely do this because playing big creates too many unknowns especially for those who benefit from you playing small.
5. You don't trust yourself. You trust everyone else's opinion of you including what you are doing, who you are friends with, how you live your life, the job you have. Sadly, you may have surrounded yourself by people who like you playing small because it keeps them feeling big so they manipulate you into thinking you are not the best judge of character. Some family members may use the "intuition" tactic which involves something like, "I am intuitive and this is just what I see. I am here to help keep you safe." This is actually code for "I am here to keep you small and control you." I have seen this all too often in domestic violence(DV) situations. By DV I am referring to emotional abuse, control as much as physical and verbal abuse. The abuser often plays the victim and manipulates everyone around the real victim in order to ensure that the victim continues to play small. This is a tactic to ensure the abuser stays in control, powerful and feeling big (which is an illusion).
6. You allow others to control your decisions. See #5.
7.Happiness continually escapes you. Even when you try to be happy, because you often wait for others to give you an opinion as to what makes you happy, or give into being controlled, you never really are happy. You have gotten so used to living in the small cardboard box that you call home that to step out of it feels daunting.
Can you relate to any of these signs(and examples)? If you can relate to even one, it's time to take a look at changing your small game to playing big!
The spiritual leader, author and lecturer Marianne Williamson wrote the quote at the top of this blog. Her quote in its entirety reads:
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others" (retrieved from: http://famousquotefrom.com/marianne-williamson/).
Whether or not you believe in God, this quote is a powerful reminder to anyone who has played small in their life. Here is the reality: We are likely afraid to embrace the fact that we are powerful beyond measure! Read that statement again. You are likely afraid of being powerful beyond measure.
WHY?
Think about it. If you show up for yourself (not everyone else) and allow yourself to really SHINE BRIGHTLY, to be brave and bold and live exactlyas you want, to own your strong and beautiful voice, all of your relationships will likely change forever-mind you everyone and every single thing will likely change forthebetterbut the fact that it is unknown is terrifying.
As Ms. Williamson reminds us, "As you let your light shine, you indirectly give others permission to do the same."
- This starts with you being bold. Follow your heart. Follow your gut. Follow your soul. I promise you this is a GOOD THING.
- It starts with you speaking up. Own your voice. Don't put up with bullshit. Speak your truth so loud that it silences those that wish to keep you small.
- It starts with hearing the criticism. you don't have to "take it." Hear it. Often times those who criticize us live in glass houses. Seek out those who are capable of giving healthy and constructive feedback.
- It starts with you facing your fears; feel the fear and do it ANYWAY. When we face the dragon we realize it is really Puff, the Magic Dragon wearing a mean dragon costume. It's not as scary as we think and we are powerful beyond measure!
- It starts with blinding people with your light; trust me those that can handle you shining will stay around and turn on their own inner lightbulbs. The posers will eventually blow out of your space (likely after they kick and scream a bit via an adult tantrum).
Remember, you playing small DOES NOT SERVE THE WORLD. It does'nt serve you, your loved ones, any of your relationships. If you have children, playing small teaches them to play small. So....
Live the life you want. It is time to shine, to play big.
As always, you are SO worth it. I am cheering you on every step fo the way dear ones!
Aloha and Namasté,
Candice
Founder of Namasté Center For Healing
Want to receive our newsletter?Email Candice@namasteadvice.com.
Summer Workshops and Retreats!
Embracing Your Sacred Yoni: A Tantra Workshop for Women!June 16, 2018, 10-3 p.m. with Candice Christiansen and Yoga Therapist Debbie Coleman. RSVP: 801-272-3500; candice@namasteadvice.com. Women's bodies, our genitalia especially have been subjected to abuse, on-going violation, objectification, deceipt and manipulation, pain, medical and other forms of trauma, ignorance, judgment, disgust; you name it! It is time we come together to embrace the honor of being female. We deserve to come together to heal our divine feminine bodies so that we can show up as the powerful women we deserve to be for ourselves, our loved ones and the world! Link to flier: https://www.smore.com/sp4vz
Let Love Make You: A Couples Tantra Retreat in Maui!August 17-19! Link to Flier: https://www.smore.com/u8xb9