Does Passion Elude Us? How to Create Non-Sexual and Sexual Passion In a Recovering Relationship

The word Passion has been defined as "a strong sexual or romantic feeling for someone" (merriam-webster.com). We are taught to believe that this is the only way that passion can be felt in a relationship; either sexually or via some sort of romantic endeavor. The term passion often gets exaggerated in the movies and media as a constant and somewhat illusive sensual pursuit between a man and woman; all the while not taking into account other relationships, i.e., LGBTQ.

The idea of chasing sexual and romanticized passion has become a sort of obsession, preoccupation, and ritual in our culture. It is a means of escaping into a world of constant fantasy, all the while leaving behind loved ones for a quick fix via dopamine. There are now video games where intimacy with a character on a screen can feel real. Connecting has become rather illusive in an effort to experience the rush of passion at any and all costs.

What happened to passion being related to any sort of spiritual endeavor where two people connect in a way that awakens them to the possibilities of the unknown? Where by holding hands, or a gentle touch, they feel grounded in their essence; whole and complete in their knowingness as a solid couple-ship?

When it comes to healing a relationship after there has been any sort of betrayal, learning non-sexual and sexual passion,can be both a beautiful opportunity as well as a significant challenge.

The important thing to know is that it is possible.

Having the passion I am talking about begins in the non-sexual realm. Individuals must connect non-sexually in order to have any solid foundation sexually. Many clients challenge me on this; however, once they realize that their partner responds quicker to non-sexual passion and connection, they submit to working on enhancing their non-sexual relationship with their partner. The pay off for both parties is HUGE.

The question that many couples ask is, "How can we create passion non-sexually and sexually, especially if our relationship is recovering from a betrayal?"

If there has been a betrayal in your relationship, the first, most important thing you both can do is seek professional help from an expert. That way, you both have the appropriate guidance and support you need in order to heal. Many relationships can last a betrayal IF both parties do the work.

Here are some tried and true ways that with patience, practice, and persistence, do indeed work:

1. Connect outside the bedroom. In the morning and evening, it is essential to take 20-30 mins to communicate with your partner about details outside of your relationship. This creates intimacy. This may feel mundane, but it is essential (if you don't believe me, read a John Gottman book).

2. If you are the betrayer, become attuned to your partner by asking him or her what they need and how you can support them. The relationship is not all about you so you want to make sure you are making efforts to connect with your partner. They need you in this way!

3. Listen. Really take time to listen to what your partner is saying. Stop making assumptions and over-reacting. Pay attention and respond from a grounded space. If you need time to get calm so that you can listen, take a time out. By listening, you learn to respond accurately and objectively. It also increases closeness.

4. Develop your own passions un-related to anything sexual. If you used to play music, take it up again. If you love to paint, do it. Creative energy is sensual in it's own right.

5. Don't carry the weight of your spouse's betrayal. This entails letting it go. I am not saying condone your partner's poor choices and behavior; just don't hold onto the heaviness of it anymore. Take your power back! Let your partner own the poor choices and mistakes they have made. Don't carry it for them (some addicts want you to carry their mistakes by manipulating you into thinking you have to; don't do it!).

Your relationship deserves to have passion in and out of the bedroom. For someone in recovery from relationship betrayal (which includes the spectrum from one instance of infidelity to sexual addiction, and/or other addictions) this will be a new concept that takes time and practice, a lot of therapy and support. However, if you both are invested in your recovery, it is possible!!

Remember, you are worth it... and so is your recovery!

Namasté,

Candice

NEW GROUPS! Starting in January: We will be offering gender separate 12-step support groups on a bi-weekly basis. Investment is $10 per group, 1 hour each group. A Gentle Path Through the 12 Steps by Patrick Carnes is included. Email Candice at namasteadvice@gmail.com for details on start dates. Step groups are essential for creating lasting recovery! RSVP today!

Also, the last Tuesday of every month, regardless if you are in a relationship or not, please join Jenny Jo Tuttle, as she teaches our monthly Relationship Recovery Skills Class. Learn how to improve ALL your relationships, intimate and otherwise. Stay Tuned for Location details since we have grown out of our group room space for this popular! Next Class is Tuesday, Dec 30th, 2014, from 6-7:30 p.m. $45 per individual; $65 per couple.

The "Third Wheel": How 2 + 1 = ZERO in Relationships

In Wired for Love (2011), Stan Tatkin, PsyD, discusses the following equation as a clear identifier of obstacles and challenges in relationships(ch. 7, p.119-137): 2 +1 = ZERO . This equation is related to a third party that an individual brings into the relationship, whether it is an outside person, place, task, situation, addiction, or thing. This third party, what I call "the third wheel", typically causes havoc in  relationships, and in some cases, can destroy it.

For those individuals that are living with an addiction, the third wheel is the actual substance, affair partner, money, food, work, sex, porn, shopping, spending, gambling, friends, gaming, etc. etc. Regardless of what the addiction is, the person that has it must recognize that they are cheating on their loved on with the third wheel.Hence, 2 + 1 = ZERO. Nothing good can come from a third wheel such as an addiction being in a relationship. After all, it clearly detracts  a person from the core values and principles of their primary relationship.How can you focus 100% on your loved ones if you are taking risks via a dangerous third wheel?

Oftentimes, self-help books focus more on the equation in a relationship needing to be 1 + 1= 2, claiming that you must be your whole self in order to be in a healthy relationship with another. While other self help books talk about codependency and the struggle for folks that view relationships with the equation: 1/2 + 1/2 = 1; meaning that they do not feel like a whole and complete person without their partner.

In reality, people tend to waiver between how they view their relationship equation based on their attachment style; sometimes they may feel like a whole, secure person, while at other times, they may feel needy of their spouse to help them feel complete and safe. An addict, however, tends to follow the equation:2 + 1 = 2,  thinking they can lead a double life, keeping their third wheel locked in a mental compartment. They separate their double life from that of being a good father or good mother, a husband or a wife, a colleague, co-worker, boss, etc.

They don't realize, until their spouse or partner catches them with the third wheel, that 2 + 1 actually equals ZERO. This is often when folks end up in my office; as a result of a threat of their partner leaving them.Interestingly enough, we all tend to have third wheels; some are healthy,  while others are not. For instance, American culture promotes being addicted to work, success, and money as a means for attaining the most desirable social status.

In contrast, a "healthy third wheel" entails ones' children, some family members, and healthy friendships. So how can you have a healthy equation in your life and relationships? First, notice the things in your life that matter; your top priorities (i.e., your family, marriage, health, recovery). Write them down.

Next, identify the things that keep you from focusing on your top priorities. These are your third wheels. Then, come up with some ways to make your top priorities number one (i.e., attend therapy, read an inspiring book, go to a support group, exercise, meet with a nutritionist).

Finally, track your progress. The best way to do this is to talk to your partner, therapist, closest ally; after all, they are the closest people to you and can tell you firsthand where you are improving and where you continue to struggle.

Your relationship equation deserves to be healthy; it deserves to "add up." This week, make a conscious effort to calculate the health of your relationship and get rid of any third wheels.

Please remember, no matter what the equation, that you are ALWAYS worth it!

Namasté,

Candice

New Men's Sexual Recovery Group: Facing I with Jenny Jo Tuttle, LCSW, CSAT-C, Expert on treating multiple addictions including intimacy disorders! WHEN? Weekly on Tuesdays.  from 6-7:30 p.m. RSVP to namasteadvice@gmail.com. The Facing The Shadow Workbook can be purchased at our office for $30. We look forward to offering you support in your recovery!

How to Identify Your Attachment Style as a Sex Addict and Improve Security in Your Relationships

We know the following about sex addiction: It is an intimacy disorder, a dissociative disorder, a brain disease, and surprisingly (or not so much) it is not actually about sex. We also know that it is an attachment disorder that begins in childhood.

There is a biological need in the human brain that is responsible for creating as well as regulating our connection to our attachment figures. The Attachment Founders in the fifties and sixties, Mary Ainsworth and John Bowlby, asserted that the connection between infant and caretaker was just as important for a child’s survival as was food, water, shelter (Levine, A., Heller, R. Attached, p. 23). This was coming off of the heels of a generation that warned against “coddling” children, along with avoiding giving too much attention to infants, and promoted letting them “cry for hours and train them to eat on a strict schedule” (Levine, A., Heller, R. Attached, p. 22).

Research has consistently shown that based on our upbringing as well as environmental factors, how we each form bonds varies. Some become securely attached to their primary caregivers, while others form anxious attachments, and still others form avoidant attachments. Understanding one’s attachment style is useful in understanding how and why people behave the way they do in their most intimate relationships.

According to Amir Levine and Rachel S.F. Heller (2010),

“Secure people feel comfortable with intimacy and are usually warm and loving; anxious people crave intimacy, are often preoccupied with their relationships and worry about their partner’s ability to love them back; avoidant people equate intimacy with a loss of independence and constantly try to minimize closeness (p. 8).”

For those with intimacy disorders, not surprisingly, most have anxious or avoidant attachment styles. What is the reason for this?

We know that over 70% of individuals with sexual addiction come from rigid, authoritarian, and disengaged households where addiction is already present among family members (Carnes, P. Facing the Shadows, 2010, p. 5). For individuals that grew up in a perceived dangerous, high intensity environment, it was likely not safe to feel what they were feeling, let alone invest time, energy or effort on their caregiver because of fear that the attachment to them may end abruptly. Therefore, someone with an avoidant attachment style developed survival skills of detachment including mentally/physically checking out.

For individuals that grew up in an environment riddled with hyper vigilance and control from a caregiver, they may have learned to stay close to their attachment figure for fear that if they strayed too far, something bad might happen. They tend to feel overly sensitive and hyper-aroused at the slightest hint that something is wrong, therefore having an anxious attachment style (Levine, A., Heller, R. Attached, p. 13).

For individuals who have an avoidant attachment style, they tend to have “Love Avoidant” behavior, where they tend to operate off of a “catch and release” mentality, withdrawing from their partners when they feel vulnerable. This is a result of them not feeling comfortable having any needs, as well as asking for what they need, and having their needs be met consistently. All of this tends to stem from childhood. However, some of this behavior is perpetuated by adult situations. Therefore, individuals with avoidant attachment styles dismiss having needs at all and “move on” to other people and things (i.e., sex, drugs, food, substances) before being rejected. While females with sex addiction at times will present as having characteristics of love avoidance, more male sex addicts tend to present with this type of attachment style.

For individuals who have an anxious attachment style, they tend to have “Love Addicted” behavior, where they cling to their partner, fearing that if they have any space, the relationship will end and their partner will find someone else. They often have a keen sense of when anything is wrong in the relationship which increases them feeling hyper-aroused, and often causes them to reach out to their partner obsessively for reassurance (text, call, email, etc.). They often need constant reassurance from their partner that the relationship is ok and are very sensitive to any signs of rejection. They have a difficult time asking for what they need from their partner (Levine, A., Heller, R. Attached, pg. 93). Oftentimes female sex addicts present as having this type of attachment style; however, males do at times present as anxiously attached as well.

There are specific types of problematic sexual behavior that tend to correspond to each attachment style. For instance, many individuals who are addicted to pornography tend to have an avoidant attachment style and present as love avoidant. Pornography acts as an escape into a fantasy world where the addict believes they can still get their sexual needs met without having to deal with being vulnerable or rejected. This type of coping, viewing pornography, creates a delusion for the addict that by living in fantasy world, they will escape the difficult emotions and life situations that cause them to seek this type of escape to begin with. Unfortunately, this is often not the case, particularly if and when spouses and loved ones find out about the addiction.

In contrast, individuals who have long standing affairs, have one relationship after another, or who engage in certain exhibitionistic behavior (i.e., stripping, prostitution, escorting) tend to have an anxious attachment style. They seek approval, validation and a sense of feeling worthwhile by having multiple (even if fleeting) relationships. While they may experience a sense of comfort from having multiple relationships or one that is longterm, they tend to create a self-fulfilling prophecy of being anxious and ultimately alone.

Individuals with avoidant attachment styles often have a hard time with someone who is anxiously attached, mainly because they “squelch intimacy” by creating “deactivating strategies” to cause distance (Levine, A., Heller, R. Attached, pg. 116). Some examples of a deactivating strategy includes the following beliefs and actions: “I am not ready to commit”, “I haven’t found the right one”; flirting with others, keeping secrets, and avoiding closeness (Levine, A., Heller, R. Attached, pg. 117). They push people away as a result of their own internal discomfort, especially if their partner acts clingy and needs reassurance. They struggle to be in relationships for a long period of time and as a result make up the highest percentage of individuals in the dating world (Levine, A., Heller, R. Attached, pg. 94).

Is it possible for an anxiously attached person or an avoidant attached person with an intimacy disorder to become securely attached to someone who has a secure attachment style? And if so, how?

Individuals with intimacy disorders who have anxious or avoidant attachment styles can learn how to attach to securely attached individuals. It takes time but is possible.

At Namasté Center for Healing, a big part of our treatment approach is helping individuals with intimacy disorders (sexual addiction, sexual addiction-sex offender potential, sexual anorexia) understand their attachment styles and work to improve their ability to feel securely attached in their relationships. We do this via individual and our weekly therapy groups via education.

For instance:

Anxiously attached individuals do well with securely attached partners because securely attached people (from Levine, A., Heller, R. Attached, pg. 97):

“… are comfortable with closeness and don’t try to push you away” “… are consistent and reliable and won’t send mixed messages when you are upset” “… see your well being as top priority” “… feel comfortable telling you how they feel” “… are very stable; they also feel comfortable with commitment.”

When an anxiously attached partner is feeling needy and dependent, their securely attached partner comforts them, is consistent, and offers loving support. This decreases their fears about the relationship and in time creates a sense of lasting ease and comfort in the relationship;hence, secure attachment.

Avoidant attached individuals may struggle at first with being with securely attached individuals, mistaking the security and normalcy they feel as “boring.” However, if they can begin to identify when they are implementing deactivating strategies such as pushing their partner away, and learn to manage their internal discomfort with being close, they will likely feel more comfortable being in the relationship. Along with this, focusing on mutual support instead of focusing so much on self-reliance is crucial so that the partner does not have to work so hard. Mutual support allows both individuals to feel comfortable doing their own thing knowing they are in it together(Levine,A., Heller, R., Attached, pg. 128).

Anxiously attached individuals do not do well with avoidant attached individuals because their anxiety is constantly triggered by an avoidant because they tend to distance themselves when the anxiously attached person needs reassurance and closeness. They also send mixed messages which to an anxiously attached person feels like rejection. As a result, anxiously attached individuals often feel crazy when in reality their attachment system is constantly activated, which at times can be mistaken for passionate love, when it is not (Levine, A., Heller, R. Attached, pg. 93).

By understanding one’s attachment style, individuals, especially those with intimacy disorders, can begin to learn how to be in a relationship with their partner by asking for what they need, sitting with discomfort, practicing mutual support, focusing on the positives of the relationship, and self-soothing in healthy ways. This takes consistent practice and often involves partners also understanding their attachment styles and being involved in the treatment process, but is well worth it in the long-run.

Child/Teen Sexting: The Controversy over Self-Produced Child Porn

I recently read an article titled, “Why Kids Sext” in the November 2014 issue of The Atlantic Magazine (Volume 314, No. 4, pp.64-77). The title of the article made the front cover of this particular issue, which immediately caught my eye. As a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist-Supervisor, I have been taken aback by how prevalent sexting, or what some law enforcement agencies have termed self-produced child porn, has become among pre-teens and teens. Even more concerning are the challenges with how to deal with this type of issue in the criminal justice system. According to the article, two-thirds of the cases in the small town in Virginia in which the article was based involved an adult, were taken without the permission of the youth in the picture, involved some form of sexual abuse or blackmail, and therefore were criminally pursued. However, one-third of the cases were based on sexual experimentation of youth (p. 69).

When interviewed by police about the self-produced pornography, police shared being met with resistance from some of the teens in the photos. For example, some had wanted and tried to get their pictures posted on Instagram, while others argued with the officers saying, “This is my body” and “I don’t see a problem with it” (p. 67).

Police were left wondering how to label the teenage females that self-produced nude photos of themselves. The chief of police decided not to call them “victims” but rather females that “victimized themselves” (p. 67).

Compared to the rest of the country, the city where I reside is still considered quite small (Salt Lake City, UT). It is not as small as the town in Virginia where the article was based; however, we have a state riddled with issues related to male and female youth-who start looking at porn as early as 8 years of age- viewing pornography. Although I have heard about youth self-producing pornography and have even talked with parents and teens about the dangers of this type of sexual acting out behavior, this was the first time I was made aware of the challenges with addressing it in the criminal justice system.

What do we call teens who choose to take nude pictures of themselves, send them to someone else, post them on social media, or advertise on such websites as MeetMe.com? Are they victims if they are choosing to do this without their parents knowledge? Or are they sex offenders who are producing child porn?

Several states have grappled with what to do with this very real and serious epidemic amidst America’s teens. Especially in light of new laws being passed in states such as California where an individual who admits to producing and/or viewing child pornography to his or her therapist can be charged as a sex offender and faced with incarceration.

What if your child or teen is the one producing their own self-produced pornography and sending it into the world via social media? Who is responsible for that type of behavior? Who is the predator; the sex offender? Do we really want to start charging children and teens with sex offenses for producing their own self-made pornography? Do we want to label our youth with a such a term that creates a life-long stigma?

Do we go after the parents of these youth for allowing teens to have cell phones, laptops, computers, ipads, ipods, kindles or any screens? What if parents report have no idea that this is going on because they trust that they have raised their children to make good decisions and choices, especially related to their bodies and sex? Even parents that warn their children and teens about the dangers of engaging in this type of behavior; will they really be able stop their kids/teens from taking a snapchat if a male or female that they like begs them to “send a pic?” All too often teens say they had a weak moment where someone asked them and they decided to send a naked pic “real quick” or “just once” only to find out later that it was passed around the entire school.

Do we chalk up this type of self-produced pornography as a product of the times that will hopefully pass? Do we blame it on our screen and sex-crazed culture that has become obsessed with selfies and looking into other people’s private lives via Facebook, twitter, etc.

Regardless of the challenges that child/teen produced pornography has created upon our society as a whole, the argument need not be how do we criminalize our children and teens who are experimenting in this way, but rather, how do we educate them on healthy sexuality, healthy sexual, physical and emotional boundaries, and how to have a positive sense of self? Parents can support their children and teens by keeping an open door policy when it comes to talking about the hard subjects such as sex as well as creating consequences for unhealthy and dangerous behavior i.e., losing phone/screen privileges or having them use a flip phone and have all screens be supervised. Maintaining an on-going dialogue about the reality and dangers of social media is also an important topic that deserves to be discussed regularly among families.

We may not have a tried and true solution for keeping children safe when it comes to the self-produced pornography. However, by continually educating and supporting children on how to make healthy choices and decisions regarding their bodies and minds, parents can hopefully rest assured that their children will avoid this type of dangerous and damaging behavior that will not only haunt them now, but in the future as well.

Part 3 of A Sex Addict's Journey

This is a continuation of a blog series written by an anonymous male sex addict in recovery. It was per his request that his blog be shared. In a class taught by one of Candice’s Clinical Associates,  the phrase “gas-lighting” was used. I immediately knew what that meant. I am kind of a movie buff. I love a wide range of movie genre’s and from various time periods. In 1944 a move came out called “Gaslight”. It is an excellent movie and it’s where this phrase comes from.

If you want to watch the movie, skip this paragraph since there are some spoilers in it. In the movie a young newlywed woman moves into the home her aunt had been murdered in. Soon after moving in her husband starts going out each night leaving her alone in the upstairs bedroom. The home is lit with gaslight lamps. Each night alone in her room she sees the gaslights flicker then hears banging, ghost noises in the attic. She is frightened and tells her husband when he returns. He looks at the lights and sees nothing as everyone knows there are no such things as ghosts.;)  So he gently tells her it is all in her head. Night after night this goes on and each night he gets more concerned with her mental health. Soon she is convinced she is insane, that the lights only flicker in her mind and the sounds are in her head. This is far from the truth. Each night her husband is going outside and coming into the attic. He lights the lamps up there which cause the gaslights to flicker in her room because of the change in gas pressure. He is searching for a treasure and telling his wife she is crazy even though he knows the truth. He is willing to drive her insane to cover up his actions.

So often we addicts regardless of their addiction (sex, drugs, alcohol, work, money, love, avoidance) never want to admit they are addicted. We think we can control things or just one more time and we’ll never do it again. We can keep the secret from anyone. If someone calls us on our crap we will gaslight them! We tell them they are crazy, that it’s all in their head; we think that we are really in control. What the other person sees is the truth but, especially with a partner, we can twist things to make it seem like they are crazy for thinking what they do. Here’s the scariest part of gaslighting for me: I did it to myself. I would get all caught up in my head convincing myself that the truth I could see right in front of me wasn’t the truth. I would get so good at the story, the excuse, and the justification that I’d start to believe parts. Going to a seasoned CSAT therapist will cut right through all that.

By my third session with Candice we were listing my secrets. I told her I could write a book with all my secrets. I’m not sure she believed me. Everything I had done since starting recovery, the 90 day sobriety contract, the ending of all my affairs and potential affairs, the fears of being found out, the hiding of even my therapy from my spouse, the shame of being arrested was all just the beginning. It felt overwhelming but I was in a bad place. The listing of secrets was painful. It was enlightening but I say that more in hindsight not as an observation I felt at the time. Sitting in front of Candice and telling her all the crazy, stupid things I had done in my addiction was embarrassing. I can see her sitting there doing an amazing job of keeping a neutral expression on her face as I slowly exposed the deepest darkest secrets I could remember. I was shocked at what I had done. I might be more shocked now than I was then. Only a few times could I see any hint on her face that she was surprised and even then she would remind me that she was not judging me. My gaslighting brain didn’t believe her and wanted to be skeptical. To borrow a common Candice phrase. “The reality” was hearing that and seeing her still be there was beginning the rewiring of my brain.

For almost 6 therapy sessions I told my secret acts. The more secrets I told the more I remembered. I felt like a piece of shit. I felt so much self-loathing and shame I wanted to quit daily. After each session I would go to the parking lot numb. I would sit there, usually with the key in the ignition, just staring. Sometimes I cried but usually I just looked at that grassy hill for half an hour or more. Often I’m not sure I was in my body. These secrets I was sharing were things I had buried deep inside and built every possible barrier around them so that I would never mistakenly let something out. Because of my religious upbringing I was afraid of anyone knowing. The Church teaches that the only sin worse than sexual sin is murder. With that kind of pressure that was no way anyone was going to break through my shell and yet here I was telling a therapist. I was drained, and exposed. Before each session I would wait in the lobby. I dislike being late so I was typically a few minutes early and would often watch other clients leaving the office before I went in. As I sat there mentally telling myself to not leave I would see these clients walk out with smiles on their faces and I’d wonder why I would walk out and be paralyzed in the parking lot. Funny how we expect everyone else’s experience to fit into our mold of how things “are”. Our reality IS reality to us but only because we often lack perspective. In my mind seeing them smiling as they walked out I knew I must be doing something wrong and they were doing it right. Reality check: Everyone’s experience is unique, not right or wrong!

As if sharing my deepest secrets wasn’t enough work Candice popped another one on me. She was requiring me to attend a group. What the freaking hell? I had no interest in sitting in a room with a bunch of guys talking about sex addition! There was no arm twisting but it was as close to arm twisting as you could get without actually physically twisting my arm. She told me she could not help me if I didn’t attend a group. Reading between the lines I heard. Attend the group or I won’t see you. It wasn’t said but it was effective. At the time Candice did not offer a men’s group in her practice so she had arranged for a colleague who ran groups to meet with me to see if I would fit in a group at their practice. Is there no end to the torture of my exposure? I was reluctant but still committed to this process as painful as it was.

Group… another nightmare for me to live through. Remember at this point I am meeting twice a week with Candice and sharing my secrets with her, sitting in the parking lot for long periods after each session dissociating and now I have a new weekly meeting?

I do not have permission to use the names of the facilitators of this group so I will call them Sam and Andrea to simplify the telling of this experience. I do want to point out that the practice that was running this group also had CSAT training. That is significant. I can now usually tell if a therapist has not been through the training and is certified. Sam and Andrea had not received certification but were working directly with CSAT therapists and Andrea has since worked on becoming a CSAT.

My first group meeting was scary. I did not want to be there. I came wearing a hoody and I didn’t take it off once the entire meeting. I am not sure what I expected but what I experienced was not it. As it turns out it was a brand new group just getting organized and so this was a first meeting of all the group members. Here’s what I know about that first meeting and I know this only because of all the work I’ve done to understand myself since then. I spent that entire time dissociated. That’s it. I remember seeing the people. I know who they are from subsequent meetings. I don’t remember saying anything. When I said that I was scared that might be an understatement. Fear, distrust, exposure, vulnerability, shame, embarrassment are the words that come to mind for me. I cannot speak for others as they attend group meetings. It is not an easy thing and it takes courage.

If you want recovery, have courage and attend a group meeting.