Just. Be. You.

You are perfect as you are....

How often have you felt like you are not enough, aren't doing enough, don't have what you want; your life is not "perfect"? How often do you beat yourself up because of your past choices, your current situation, because you aren't social enough, aren't educated enough, don't have the right car,  house or job, or relationship? How often do you perseverate on your traumatic past or fear your unknown future?

Ask yourself right now: "Is my thinking benefitting me?" 

The more you focus on what you don't want, the more you create what you don't want. And, what you believe you truly see. The more you worry about the past, the more you cheat yourself out of your present moment; you cheat yourself out of who you are right now.

What would it be like if you were to accept all of you as you are in this moment? Accept that you are perfect, be-YOU-tiful, pure, innocent, and that there is nothing you have to do to change anything? How would you feel?

What comes to mind when you read, "Just be you"? Many people look puzzled when I say this, or when I ask them "Who are you?" Most clients admit, "I don't know who I am." Rest assured that this is normal.

So, what if you don't know who you are because you are evolving all the time?

What if you are a Be-You-Tiful evolution that expands and contracts in time and space, with every lesson and experience?

Can you allow yourself to Be You as you evolve, letting yourself ebb and flow with the winds of change, trusting that a year from now, 5 years from now, 10 years from now, you will be even more amazing and powerful than you are today?

If you can begin to practice the art of being you, you will quickly start to notice your true essence: your pureness of spirit. How Be-You-Tiful you truly are.

I love watching my clients as they transform from the depths of their trauma and/or addictions into the expansive beings that they were born to be. Like butterflies, they spread their wings and fly using their tools of surrender, trust, forgiveness, self respect, and unconditional love to soar. They have tremendous courage and are truly an inspiration.

This is YOU.

So this week, Be-You-Tiful, and notice that when you own this magnificent part of you,  you inspire others to do the same.

Namaste~ Candice

It's Not About You.

It is not about YOU. Are you taking things too personally?

Do you find that you have a habit of taking things personally? Do you feel like people's anger, frustration, concerns are a direct result of you or something you did? Do you often feel like you are walking on eggshells with someone you love, your co-workers, even strangers or passers-by?

What if others' moods, behaviors, thoughts and feelings have absolutely nothing to do with you? What if what they are experiencing is truly a reflection of their inner world?

I am not saying that we are never accountable for our thoughts, feelings, or actions towards others; we are. However, often times many people take others' actions, thoughts or feelings too personally, as though they are their own, when in reality, they have nothing to do with them.

In my experience, this is the result of what we learned while growing up. The first place we learn about thoughts, feelings, and how to interact with others is from our parents, followed by our siblings. We watch, sense, listen, and experience things from our family of origin that shape our core beliefs, then we create what I call "illusive" (false) story-lines that we think are real (but are not). These false beliefs and stories drive our interactions with others, often in a negative way.

Part of taking things personally is about being overly-sensitive to the needs and wants of others. Elaine N. Aron (1997) wrote a book called "The Highly Sensitive Person. In it, she describes how certain people grow up with a propensity for being highly sensitive to others as well as loud noises, large crowds and crowded places. They often get tired, hungry and irritable when overloaded with stimuli. There is nothing wrong with a highly sensitive person, they are simply really tuned into their environment. If you can relate to this, there are things you can do in order to manage your sensitivity.

If this doesn't apply to you, but you are having a challenging time in your life (divorce, separation, losing a job, experiencing a death, or other stress), the following will also apply:

1. Use self-talk. If someone gets angry, check in with yourself by doing an internal checklist starting with the question: Is this about me? Most often people point the finger at someone else when in reality it is not about the person in which the blame is directed! If there is something you said or did that offended the other person, be accountable for it and commit to changing your behavior. Yet, if you didn't, mentally check this off and say to yourself "This is not about me" or "This is not my issue."

2. Laugh at yourself. Are you too serious? Is it possible that you are taking things too personally when you could lighten up? Find humor in the situation! Life is really quite comical if you allow yourself to see the humor in our day to day experiences.

3. Breathe. This is the BEST resource that we have for FREE! Yet, very few people use it moment to moment to calm themselves down. Breathing deeply accesses the Parasympathetic Nervous System responsible for "Rest, Digest." Shallow breath is responsible for "Fight, Flight, Flinch, Freeze." Take 3 deep breaths while you self talk and notice how much calmer and more clear you feel. Do it this week and notice how your perspective changes!

So much is not about YOU but if you take things personally, you will believe everything is on your shoulders. This week, begin by using these basic steps to lighten your mental load. Only take on what is actually yours. Let everything else go.

You are worth it.

Namaste~

Candice

There is a reason for everything.

There is a reason for everything.   All things are divine.

Last Monday, I received a call from my mom's nursing home. They informed me that they were taking her to the emergency room due to a serious infection. I received phone call after phone call from different medical professionals explaining various things to me from the reasons why she was going to the hospital, to me consenting to her being treated.

Overwhelmed and in shock, I went on auto-pilot, following the directives from medical social works, occupational therapists, a geriatric advocate, and doctors.

After a couple days in the hospital, we were informed that my mom would be transported to a special unit to re-adjust her medication and get her properly diagnosed. I was confused and felt numb. I resisted her going to another hospital, arguing with various doctors and demanding I get straight answers. I found myself trying to control the outcome and situation due to my feeling of complete helplessness.

When we were leaving the hospital, I looked up into the crisp night sky, took a deep breath and said out loud, "There has to be a reason why this is happening."

Nothing. Silence. No answers. No sign....I was stumped. I know my mom has dementia but why is she having all these new, weird symptoms when she had been fairly stable for two years?

The next morning, I agreed to allow my mom to go to another hospital since she wasn't improving. Within a few hours I received a call from her new doctor. That is when I knew:

There is a reason for everything.

The doctor was a divine miracle! He explained that my mom's unique brain injury was his specialty and that some doctors go their entire careers without seeing this type of brain trauma. He was able to describe in detail the challenges with her unique brain trauma, as well as the impact it has on her daily functioning, certain medications that it exacerbates, how to help her and his goal to educate the staff at the nursing home so that they can best meet her needs. This was the first time in over 2 years that any medical person was able to give me the answers about my mom's illness! I realized in this moment that all things are divine. They may not happen on my "time" but they indeed happen at the right time.

You may have challenging life situations occurring at this time that make ZERO sense, where you feel completely helpless, powerless, and afraid of the outcome, but I promise you: There is a reason for everything. If you are unsure and questioning this statement, here are some simple things you can do to increase your belief in this:

1. Talk to your higher power. Just as I looked up into the sky and asked why this incident with my mom was happening, you too can have a conversation. I don't care if your dog or cat is your higher power, or even a tree outside (if you don't believe in God, etc). The goal is to have a conversation with someone or something outside of you so that you are not carrying all the weight of the world on your shoulders. "Turn it over...."

2. Practice having faith in the unknown. This may sound ridiculous, especially if you feel really out of control, but I know from multiple experiences that everything happens for a reason and therefore what is unknown now will soon be known. So have faith and trust that there is a reason for this.

3. Surrender to the NOW. All you have is this moment. You will exhaust yourself trying to control your next moment and trying to change the past. Surrender to being right here. This may cause you to want to panic, but by focusing on your surroundings and what you CAN control, your anxiety will diminish quite rapidly.

We are living in the most amazing time where healing generational wounds is an absolute necessity. It starts with believing that there is reason for everything and that it is truly divine, including YOU.

You are worth it.

Namaste~

Candice

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Copyright © 2014 *Namaste Center for Healing, LLC, All rights reserved. Newsletter 2014-01 Our email is: candice@namasteadvice.com

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