So....You think you are a sex addict (or, you have a spouse or loved one who you believe is).  
You do some research and realize that you have the symptoms of sex addiction. For instance: 

• Unmanageability via seeking out sexual partners, sex with strangers, escorts, prostitutes, compulsive infidelity, strip clubs, porn, during times when you should be working, at family functions, studying for school, or enjoying time with your partner or children

• Preoccupation: Sex is all you think about all day long. The minute you wake up your trolling porn sites, seeking out people to hook up with, sex chatting

• You feel a high when you go into your ritual phase (i.e., seeking out your "sex drug")  similar to that of a cocaine addict seeking their next fix
• You feel excitement before and complete and utter despair after you act out, so much so that at times you consider killing yourself
• You seek riskier and riskier sexual highs (encounters, porn sites, etc) to achieve the same dopamine hit
• You can't stop. You have tried, you have white knuckled it, you have prayed about it, you have sworn to yourself, your spouse that you will never do it again. But You. Can't. Stop. The "sex drug" is too hard to kick

I am currently writing this from Maui where I am surrounded by the most natural vibrant beauty. Lush grass, gorgeous green palm trees, turquoise blue water, perfect flowers, and spectacular sunsets. It is truly magical all around me. 

Yet I, like so many people, struggle to embrace my own inner and outer beauty. While I have been here I have noticed my inner critic come out numerous times. She has been judging, berating, and hating on my inner spirit and my outer body as well as my whole being. At times I have felt completely rattled and ungrounded which has required me to be very intentional about grounding in my heart center. I share this because no matter who you are, how you are, what you do in your profession, or how "perfect" the world might see you, no one is exempt from the struggle for self acceptance. 

Want to be closer to your partner? Then be less critical. Sounds easy enough, right? WRONG. 

Reflect back over the past 24 hours and notice how many times you had critical thoughts about your partner or loved one... I bet you had at least five. How do I know? Chances are you are that critical internally towards yourself. 

Funny(but not really), many of us aren't aware of how self critical we are. We go about our day insulting, berating, and putting ourselves down like bullies on an adult playground. If you take a moment and pay attention to your internal dialogue you will notice that you have 1-3 key negative statements you rattle off in your head. Examples such as, "I'm an idiot" or "I am ugly" or "that was stupid" are probably up there on the list. 
 

There is a famous (anonymous) saying, "Everything changes when you change." 

Is this really true? We change and everything around us, including our loved ones change? What if our loved ones don't change as we change, especially if and when we grow? In intimate relationships, there is an evolution. Perhaps we might call it the stages of courtship where at first there is the noticing of another, followed by approaching and flirting, followed by demonstrating ... and so on. 

As time goes on, we get comfortable in our relationship. All the passion, spontaneity, and excitement that we craved with our partner in the beginning wanes and we get comfortable. We attach to the security of knowing they are with us, that we can count on them for anything. The spontaneity and mystery of our partner is often replaced with the predictable. 
 

Everyone has resentments. It is a normal part of the human experience. The challenge with resentments is they can build up causing people to become contemptuous, especially in intimate relationships

A resentment forms when a person feels bitter at having an expectation or a need that is not met in their relationship. A lot of times it feels as though the issue causing one to be resentful is about one's partner; however, most often the resentment stems from deeper issues from one's childhood (i.e., being ignored by a primary caregiver, therefore feeling frustrated when they feel ignored by their partner).